Davis. Davis is on Friday and dear lord I'm so anxious. I terribly want to get in but my grades are average and my scores are average and my essays were...fine. I just don't want to be forced to attend a school farther away. Because it's not like my family is being real supportive. I mean, all of my older cousins that raised me were like "No. No university 4 u bc u'r poor and whatever." But the thing is, mother isn't making a lot, but that's what grants and loans and all that financial aid is for. And I really don't mind paying off loans after college because, in this day and age, it's completely normal to have years of loans to pay off. And I understand that they had my best interest in mind, but they don't understand how exasperating life is here. And college life is just one step closer to independence and that's what I can't wait to achieve.
Anyways, I wore a dress today. Look at me, all female and what not. That's something. But this is only the second time since elementary school that I've worn a proper dress to school (the first one being forced for a presentation), and the worst part about it was the "J, YOU'RE A GUUURL TODAY. IS IT A BOY? YOU DID IT FOR A BOY. IS [senior male from AP Biology last year] HERE TODAY?" And wouldn't you know, that part was even worse than wearing the actual dress. And wearing a dress is hard enough because I look so un-proportional and my fat was just gross. Crippling self-conscious. That what it is. I hope. I hope it's in my head, and I'm not actually overweight and hideous because what I feel in my head is disgust towards myself. And I feel ashamed about it because healthy people aren't supposed to do that to themselves.
Anyways, The Talented One wasn't at our lunch today, so I didn't get to see him. Which is not the reason I was wearing the dress in the first place, ok. I'm sort of relieved he didn't see me at lunch because that fat was actually incredibly disgusting and he wouldn't have said Hi to me ever again.
Oh, and Calculus teacher was so nice today when he saw me and remembered the A and that's so nice (I'm going to name this post after that because that's never happening again) and he's such a good teacher. I hope he doesn't die ever. His birthday is tomorrow though. His legitimate birthday, ok, is on Pi Day. I don't care if four other math teachers' birthdays are on Pi Day, his is the only legitimate one. He could buy the birthday if he wanted anyways.
And now I have to go take a shower which is horrible because showers are so tiring and then I need to go over the 51 physics vocab words and then I have to fill out things for PE and then scrape together money to buy styrofoam planes and there really isn't that much to do, I just want it to be Friday really soon. And everything is just in the middle of my journey to Friday and Davis. Ah.
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